If your child has frequent tantrums or meltdowns, you’re probably both feeling a little stressed out. And when those big behaviors feel like they “come out of nowhere,” trying to get a handle on them can make you feel even more overwhelmed.

Today, we’re going to break down what to do, when to do it, and why it matters—so you can feel confident the next time those big emotions show up.

What to Do: Teach Coping Skills Through Visuals and Calm-Down Routines

Tantrums and meltdowns aren’t your child misbehaving; instead, they’re often your child’s way of communicating their needs with you. They may be saying “I don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling” or “this is too hard for me.”

Start by teaching simple coping strategies such as:

Visual Supports

Use visual aids like emotion cards or a feelings chart to help your child label what they’re feeling. For example:

• 😠 Angry
  
• 😢 Sad
  
• 😐 Frustrated
  
• 😊 Calm
  

Pair visuals with simple language, such as: “It looks like you’re feeling sad.” You can also model language for your child to echo, such as “Oh man, I feel sad.”

Calm-Down Routines

Create a calm-down space with sensory tools or comforting items. Practice simple routines, such as:

• Taking deep breaths together. Practice by having your child “smell the flowers” and then “blow the windmill.” Model deep breaths for them.
  
• Squeezing a fidget or stress ball
  
• Counting to 10
  
• Listening to soft music
  
• Hugging a stuffed animal
  

Make the routine visual (a calm-down sequence with pictures) and practice it often.

When to Do It: Practice During Calm Moments, Prompt During Distress

Timing matters.

During Calm Moments

This is when learning happens! Introduce visuals and practice calm-down routines when your child is happy, relaxed, and engaged—not mid-meltdown! Examples of great times to practice include:

• Right after storytime
  
• Before bedtime
  
• During play
  

Make it part of your daily routine so that it becomes familiar and predictable.

During Distress

In the middle of a meltdown, don’t introduce new tools. Instead, gently prompt what you’ve already practiced:

• Point to the feelings chart; label their emotion: “I see you’re frustrated.”
  
• Offer a visual choice: “Do you want to take deep breaths or squeeze your ball?”
  
• Guide them through the calm-down steps, using minimal language and a calm tone.
  

Consistency is key—don’t worry if they don’t use the strategy right away. Repetition builds results, and practice makes progress.

Why to Do It: Teaches Coping Skills and Builds Trust

Tantrums and meltdowns are stressful—for your child and for you. But every meltdown is a chance to build real-life coping skills.

Teaching coping skills:

• Helps your child feel safe and understood
  
• Builds trust between you and your child
  
• Reduces the intensity and frequency of future meltdowns
  
• Gives your child tools they’ll use long-term
  

You don’t have to “wait it out” or “tough it out” when your child is having frequent meltdowns. With the right tools and consistent practice, your child will begin using the coping skills you taught them, all on their own!

If you're feeling stuck or want more support, The Behavior Place offers Parent Coaching, providing you with step-by-step guidance tailored to your child’s needs.